


should i tear my heart out now

by gayyegg



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Angst, M/M, i dont know what else to tag this lmao idk, rewrite of Eddie's death scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:33:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22171093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayyegg/pseuds/gayyegg
Summary: None of this felt real. He felt like he was still in the deadlights, like he was watching his worst fear. Pennywise knew him well enough, he knew his worst fear was losing Eddie. Of course it was, Eddie had been Richie’s second friend, after Stan, and he couldn’t lose more, he couldn’t lose the love of his life, his best friend, the only person who ever seemed to really get him.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	should i tear my heart out now

The blood was everywhere. Richie swore he’d never seen more blood in his life, and he knew it was futile, somewhere deep inside him, but he couldn’t help it as he pressed his jacket to Eddie’s chest, as if pressure would fix it like a deep cut, as if Eddie hadn’t been stabbed straight through the chest. He knew he was gone. They all knew.

“Richie,” Eddie said, coughing weakly, blood on his lip, face getting paler by the seond “Richie, you have to help them.” Richie could only shake his head, jaw feeling sealed shut, eyes burning. “Rich, come on, talk to me, you’re never this quiet.”

“Sorry,” he choked out, forcing up a smile like there weren’t tears streaming down his face, streaking through the dirt and blood on his face. “Sorry, I just…Eds…” He forced back a sob, squeezing his eyes shut. “I just got you back, you can’t leave…”

Eddie’s smile looked more genuine, and it just hurt Richie worse. He was resigned to it, he knew he was dying. “There were so many things I wanted to tell you,” he said softly, eyes getting distant, glassy.

None of this felt real. He felt like he was still in the deadlights, like he was watching his worst fear. Pennywise knew him well enough, he knew his worst fear was losing Eddie. Of course it was, Eddie had been Richie’s second friend, after Stan, and he couldn’t lose more, he couldn’t lose the love of his life, his best friend, the only person who ever seemed to really get him.

“I…” Richie shook his head, watching Eddie, memorizing his face. He had never gotten a chance to learn it as they were older, and he didn’t want to forget. He almost felt like he was 13 again, staring desperately, making up scenarios of the future as he watched Eddie with soft eyes as soon as he wasn’t looking, dressing up a life for them he knew they could never have, but he liked the comfort of the fiction, the fake predictions. "Eddie, please," he begged, as if it was Eddie’s choice.

“Richie, it’s okay,” he said softly, reaching out weakly, setting his hand on Richie’s hand. He was so cold. “It’ll be okay. I knew. I think I knew I wasn’t making it out of this. I’ve always been the weakest of us. Stan and I shared that train of thought.”

Richie shook his head again, free hand moving to hold Eddie’s on his cheek. “No, no, Eds, you were always strong, you’re the strongest person I know.”

Eddie’s voice just kept getting softer. “Don’t call me that,” he whispered, eyes shutting as Richie repeated a litany of small no’s, pressing harder to his chest, panicking more than ever, desperate for a miracle, praying to any god he could think of to just let him have this, let Eddie survive, even if he never saw Richie again, it would be enough just to know that he was out there, safe and alive. “It doesn’t hurt,” he said, like that would make it better. “And it’s fine, it’s okay, I’m with you,” his smile got sad for a moment, eyes opening just enough to meet Richie’s, “I get to die in the arms of my first love. The only person I’ve ever loved. I get to be with you. This is the best way it could have happened. I’m happy.”

The sobs wracked through his body, his chest aching like he was the one who’d been impaled, “Eddie, don’t say that, don’t say that, please, just lie to me, just tell me Myra loved you enough, the way you deserved, let me pretend you were happy before now, anything, please.”

Eddie traced his thumb over Richie’s lips, eyes heavy and Richie couldn’t catch his breath. “I was never good at lying to you.”

“I know. I know you better than anything,” Richie said, voice scratchy, almost understandable. “I love you too. I always have, even when I didn’t remember you, I missed you, I never really forgot, I always knew there was someone, just on the edge of my memory,” he pushed the words out as quickly as he could, shaking his head so much it hurt as he watched Eddie’s eyes close, his head drooping.

“Eds,” he mumbled, squeezing the hand on his cheek tight, leaning forward as he sobbed, head on Eddie’s chest, hands grasping at him like there was anything he could do, grappling to get as much time holding him as he could, like it could make up for all the years they never had, and would never have now. “Eddie, baby, please, please I can’t do this, I can’t lose you again,” he whispered, voice drowned out by the sound of the sewer collapsing, but he didn’t move.

He could hear the others calling for him, and he only leaned into him more, held tighter, wrapping his arms tight around his chest, grasping the back of his shirt, planted firmly.

“Richie, we have to leave him!” he heard the others calling, but he just shook his head, laughing a little to himself, eyebrows drawn in.

“Just go. I can’t…I can’t.” He could hear their protests, he could feel Ben and Mike pulling at him, but he refused to budge, just like when they were younger, when they had to pull him off Bill. “Please,” he begged as they let go, looking back at Ben. “Please Ben, I can’t go without him, I can’t…I can’t lose him again, I’ve loved him too long, I don’t want to remember now, I don’t want to remember losing him.”

He could see the acceptance move over Ben’s features, he’d always understood, watching Richie look at Eddie the same way he looked at Bev. “Rich..”

“Go. You can’t stay, you can’t get hurt too.” He heard Bill shouting and he just smiled, settling his head on Eddie’s shoulder and Mike and Ben’s hands left his shoulders. He heard them run away and he silently thanked them.

He’d wanted this for a while, he hadn’t been doing well for years, and at least now, he’d get to stay with Eddie. That was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> if you can guess the sufjan stevens song this is based on which is not the same as the one that the title comes from, you win. i dont know what but smth


End file.
